Depending on whether you’re a glass half full, or a glass half empty type of person, I’ve either had a very good week or a very bad one. There’s been high drama, hospital procedures, a lot of humour, incredible kindness and emotional turmoil that’s gone beyond visceral and chartered the unknown territory of unbearable. I’ve been the centre of attention and I crave some peace.
I want what I can’t have. I don’t want to deal with what I do have. I yearn for what I had. I’m getting bored with cancer. It’s taking over my life (pun not intended).
A Horse A Husband and Cancer. The horse has gone, the husband is fragile and needs to work things through in his own way, and cancer is boring. So where does that leave us? It’s not the end of the blog by far, but I think it needs a tweak. It needs to find its own words again, because right now I’ve lost mine.
Midwinter melancholy is chipping around the edges, I’m dying on my feet and I need to start living again. If you’ll bear with me while I cast about looking for direction, we can grow together as friendships do when they move side-by-side through new adventures, instead of relying only on past experience. A Horse A Husband Cancer and Us. Its a start.
a horse, a husband, and cancer 
Thank you, Elaine, for all you have given me (us) by sharing your real self, warts and all. Your soaring spirit has led the way for more of us than you know.
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Midwinter melancholy indeed. A misty draft blows through these words, so I’ll make some tea. It isn’t much but it’s warm and quiet.
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I’m a big fan of boredom —as the portal to newness. And I’d love to be somewhere in your expanded circle of “us”. I love the wordless places even with all the discomfort so often involved. I’m wishing you moments of deep peace. ❤️
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A beautiful frosted cobweb, unbroken across the hinge of a field gate. The gate has not been opened that morning.
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PS. I want to know about the image. Did you paint this? It’s awesome on many levels.
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I wonder if you’ll ever fully know how much your words touch in to a space that few manage to do in such a thought provoking way xx
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Sitting with you as you navigate this new chapter. I’ll bring some pastry and we can take a quiet walk through those woods of yours. xo
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Right there with you, Elaine, in my own different similar way, I’m right there with you.
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Elaine, Elaine…. how powerful your words are. Every Thursday morning, your blog is the first item I look for in my email. I always intend to comment and often delay because I can’t find the words that convey what I want to say. I had thyroid cancer some decades ago, and though that cancer was luckily very treatable, I well remember the feeling of being on a “leash” to the medical world and how much I hated that.
I am thrilled to read that you may include me/us in your writing life going forward . I am sad you have such a rocky path right now, and will walk it with you, over here in Texas, as you seek new words and meaning.
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Standing by. Your words will find a direction and you your own way. Standing by.
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All good friendships bounce around off each other regularly, sharing good days with bad, good wine with bad wine and glasses full, half full or totally empty at times. We will all wait until you bounce in our direction again. It’s that time of year for re-evaluation for most of us, processing what we’ve been through over the course of the last 11 months and hopefully trying to make some sense of it … although that is a totally bonkers thing to try to do this year.
Be nice to yourself is my advice, and whether your glass is half full or half empty top it up with something very tasty and drink the bloody lot!!
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Right beside you on the path, wherever it takes you. You are so loved, Elaine.
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Your words are so powerful.Sending you love and a big hug Elaine . X
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My dearest cuz Elaine, your beautiful heartfelt thoughts always hold so many powerful meanings to me.
Even though we are physically separated by the big “pond” I am always close by in spirit and so much love!
Sharon
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Dearest Elaine, I am thinking of you and sending so much love.
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