cancer – a horse, a husband, and cancer

NEVER GIVE UP

Kempton Park Racecourse hold their antique fairs on the second and last Tuesdays of the month. Out of all the ones Elaine and I did in the 90’s and early 2000’s they consistently proved to be the most lucrative. They start at 6am so we had to sort and load-up on the Monday beforehand, thenContinue reading “NEVER GIVE UP”

A Drive in the Country

Elaine always did say that the saddest thing when doing a house clearance was coming across the Christmas decorations. “These people never knew when they put them away that it was for the last time ever.” We had to keep many of them so that they would ‘live-on” somehow, or so she thought. Consequently ourContinue reading “A Drive in the Country”

INTO THE ABYSS

As you will know by now Elaine has gone, but the end of her story has not yet been told. I’m Elaine’s husband Mark, and as I am now the ‘last man standing’ from the Blog title, I guess it’s down to me to complete the journey with you that she began just a shortContinue reading “INTO THE ABYSS”

half empty, half full or need a bigger glass?

Depending on whether you’re a glass half full, or a glass half empty type of person, I’ve either had a very good week or a very bad one. There’s been high drama, hospital procedures, a lot of humour, incredible kindness and emotional turmoil that’s gone beyond visceral and chartered the unknown territory of unbearable. I’veContinue reading “half empty, half full or need a bigger glass?”

new month, new drug

A new cancer drug has a frisson of excitement impossible to ignore, and multiples of new drugs are excitement beyond belief. But as we’ve all found from experience, every yin has its yang, what goes up is certain to come back down (generally with a splat on your head), and as everyone with cancer knows,Continue reading “new month, new drug”

Back on Track

It hasn’t been easy since Bruce died. There, I said it. My horse died and I’ve been struggling. It’s taken me some time to admit I am only human after all. I seem to process things in hindsight. At the time I think I’m fine and then I realise it’s just me who believes that.Continue reading “Back on Track”

42 West Street

This happened last year. The pain? It’s truly indescribable so I’m not even going to try. And if that’s not enough, I have never felt so frigging ill in my whole life. If this is Karma and I’m paying for past transgressions then many earlier versions of me are now debt free. I’m on theContinue reading “42 West Street”

Trust

Do you ever wonder if penguins stand around laughing while one of them pretends to walk like a person? The thought hadn’t crossed my mind either until I tried (in vain) to distract myself this week from real life, and real feelings. Meditation has been too scary because I don’t want to be alone inContinue reading “Trust”

Bruce’s Story: a perfect storm

New Years Day 2012 was sullen and grey, and so was I. Viewing my ashen face in the mirror, I grimaced at the chemotherapy residue and tried to focus my bloodshot eyes on something positive. “Stop brooding! Get yourself together and do something.” I said sharply to my pale reflection, pulling on a pair ofContinue reading “Bruce’s Story: a perfect storm”

Duet

I love a free offer. But when it’s another life-limiting disease I should have read the label before I put it in my shopping basket. Greed will be my downfall. The new recruit goes under the name Polyarteritis Nordosa. Polyarteritis Nordosa is a rare inflammation of the arteries, caused by a malfunctioning immune system. MyContinue reading “Duet”