thoughts – Page 3 – a horse, a husband, and cancer

Selling the Dream

I am a consummate saleswoman, it’s what I do. I expect it’s another genetic trait I’ve inherited, like curly hair and cancer. I could make a healthy living selling assisted dying packages (payment up front of course) on a commission-only basis, and believe my spiel sufficiently to buy a package for myself. I might evenContinue reading “Selling the Dream”

Fear of Fear

We all arrive at fear with real and imaginary experiences that are as unique to us as our DNA. Unlike any other marathon, fear has no common starting-place, no midway point of motivation, and no perceivable end, but if we can gain succour from refreshments offered along the way, we can survive. If we canContinue reading “Fear of Fear”

dropping the baton

My dad didn’t believe that simply being good at something was good enough, you had to be Best. Oh how I must have disappointed him. Childhood me failed to stay cute, failed exams, failed to grow into a demure young lady. Adult me failed a first marriage, failed to provide grandchildren, failed to live conventionally,Continue reading “dropping the baton”

a girl,a woman,or a lady?

“Are you a girl, a woman or a lady”? Oh, that’s a real easy question to answer I thought, because I’ve always been a girl, see-sawing somewhere between Scarlett O’Hara and Calamity Jane. I get my way with girlie smiles or a lady’s raised eyebrow (never womanly wiles), and tackle chores and problems with girlieContinue reading “a girl,a woman,or a lady?”

mouth before brain

It happened again. And again before that, and when you think back, there’s a whole history of agains. Each time, you say “I will never do that again” Then you do; at least there is consistency. Why, after so much practice (and so much regret) you still fail to recognise the point where you couldContinue reading “mouth before brain”

changing narrative

In my Loving Kindness group, I posed a question about feeling resentful after backing down from an awkward situation. The man sitting opposite me said “Changing the narrative could mean that instead of feeling forced into a decision, it becomes your choice.” Is changing narrative as easy as seeing silver linings under clouds, or seeingContinue reading “changing narrative”